Meditation: The practice of the present moment
It was one of those days that everything seem heavy. Looking, in vain, for some kind of color and shine in the eyes. An endless gray was plunging me into a vivid black. And I was following without resisting.
My yoga mat that was next to me was calling me. Was it a salvation solution after a heartbreaking morning? A way to reconnect with my body, my breath and the Self? I had no idea and no energy to think. I just closed my eyes and tried to feel and listen carefully. I felt the pain in different parts of my body and I found myself surrendering in this pain. Different kind of pain. A pain that was coming from the inside, a deep, old, wild pain.
I stayed motionless, silent for a long time. Observing, surrendering, and listening. My breath was so slow, so internal that I could hold it without any effort. I was breathing from the inside and the life force was coming in abundance (who knows from where?) in my heart and solar plexus. Prana was moving through me, making geometrical patterns throughout my whole body. Then, I felt the prana going up to the space between my eyebrows. Stillness, silence.
Light! A pure, white light standing in front of me. Why? From where is it coming from? I didn’t get any answer as the procedure of thinking inside my brain was way too slow at that moment. My busy mind was giving me the space to get lost in the infinite white light. All my doubts and thoughts were covered by the power of the Infinite. Didn’t allow me to move, to look back or forward, to travel mentally, to feel with my heart. Didn’t let me to hear or to fear, to enjoy the ride or to relax. Nothing. There was nothing that I could do, besides standing there. Any kind of movement or stillness seemed the same, the light and the darkness became one, to look back or forward felt the same. The thoughts were dissolving into the breath, the breath was tearing the body into a thousand pieces and the heart beat was becoming extremely slow. I surrendered myself to the eternity between my heart beats and the light became even stronger. I wasn’t feeling comfortable or happy but nothing was uncomfortable. I was just there. I wasn’t looking for joy or sorrow, I was just present in the moment. Body, breath and thoughts united to the present moment. I think I stayed there in absolute stillness for quite some time. Because time did not matter at all, the minutes, the hours had no power, no meaning. I hold myself from this infinite present moment and I became eternal.
And in this eternal moment, I began to live, to give, to take, to run, to stay still, to move forward, go back again, stop in the middle and start all over again. I started to listen, to follow, to believe, to love, to trust, to find myself and then to losing it again. I started to live fully every aspect of my sacred human nature.
OM TAT SAT
… Dedicated with gratitude to my teacher, Sri Dharma Mittra, for the inspiration and guidance.